Let me The Google That for You

photo (22)Ok, I am going to go a little out of character here, just for a moment… peel way the curtain that I believe covers this blogger (because h/sh/e/it just learned h/sh/e/it knows nothing about online identity hiding stuff… but that’s another post)… this blog gets a respectable amount of hits….  not enough to start advertising supplements and that “amazingly simple trick” or that dancing refinance alien… wait, where did he go? There is a small community of those I read and who read me.  There are those who come once in a while, some regularly others occasionally.  These numbers are not enough to start launching into my speaking tour career, but respectable enough to keep me writing on those weeks where something horrible has happened to disrupt my ability to find time to write about impending disruption….

Then there are the searches.  I assume these search terms are either entered into a search engine that wasn’t cleared or perhaps these search terms did indeed lead some visitor to this here blog…. to find exactly what they are looking for.  Which is strange.

The highest ranked search term is “Oakland Mall Guatemala.”  I should write more on Guatemala since this is the most viewed post too.  After that, the search terms make less sense.  The second is“teens in bras.”  Yes, that’s right. Somehow the world salad of my verbiage is translated to some algorithm to advertise to the world that I have a corner on teens in bras.  I can only assume a vast number of disappointed masturbators and those few teens who shop for bras online come here.

Next up, the search for the “Fritz Todt” award.  Ok… I had to google it myself.  Apparently an award for the war effort.  On the German side.  The Nazi German side.  This is almost understandable considering the name of the site, and sarcastic sprinkling of Germanic terms and references.  I did not know this but I did search through several pages on The Googles of rings and awards for sale and did not happen across this here site. At least there is an historical significance, perhaps even a connection since strangely enough old Todt didn’t think Schwerpunkt was going to quite work on the SOVIETS, and his last conversation with Mr. H. was “yo, dude, like you need better equipment, like, you can’t just do this war thing by will-power alone” to which he was first rebuked, then exploded in an airplane under circumstances so strange, even fellow Nazis believed there was a conspiracy.

We get a few more that I can understand, some terms that yes, are used in this site… here and there either doom-related, economics, or environment, that’s a good sign… Then, we’re back to tits.  “Just tits,” which I imagine is some scientific search and I imagine them in some jars or something and I am too afraid to check this online.  Then we reattach the woman to her body but still demand “the biggest tits ever.”  That’s cool, very Neolithic Venus of you people, I think they must be out there in real life, I think remember something from 1921 and it was the result of some creeping deformity in Asia or Africa and a few black and white plates exist or were printed in National Geographic.  The next serach down is “biggest tits in the world,” which I assume is closer to our contemporaries. This has to be checked… Let me see… does “ever” or “in the world” matter?  Ahem…  Seems no.  They’re both more or less the same and let me tell you people, not my type.  I checked the pages a few in and still, no mention of this blog – which is understandable since I believe I heard that some hundred or more porn sites go live each day so who knows what was live at the time of the search.

Now, we take a break from tits in the search terms, and there is also a reduction in the number of searches from tripple to double digits which is still strange for some of these terms I blush to mention.  A few more search terms that make sense, “Oakland Mall,” and even “TEOTWAWKI” which at this point brought a tear to my eye… then we’re back to the alien brain that is the internet.

“Grandma dowells house in a long way from chicago.”

A rather strange book for children, but at least a real thing and not about Nazis or tits or Nazis with tits, or Grandma Dowell, international teen Nazi with the biggest tits you have ever seen in a bras such a long way from Chicago.  Which, I can only hope sends some rather confused visitors to my site.

From here the count for terms drops off into the single digits.  Nothing to be concerned about, something I am sure the bots bring to the site as they do… whatever it is that bots do… for…. whoever needs something to crawl over our Tubes searching for whatever and leaving me comments like…

Great advice friend, you write such of the convincing I can only follow advice on that topic and wonder how more posts you have on that topic you write so nice helpmeiminachinesepoliticalinternmentcam….

While there is still a sprinkling of terms that make some connection, that looking for a burning bowling ball of course would being you here – or so I hope, there are also more random sexual searches, in various ways of spelling there is a smattering of political searching, my faves being “political unrest/how does it make life difficult?” “just let me clean off my bitch slap kitten” (why ever would it be dirty?) “angry meat eating fucking people” “Slobovia punpkin drop 2012” (2011 was better I hear) “cows shitting” (I’m proud to be in this category) “photo with woman with writing saying masturbation is not just for men” (must be a specific photo out there) “the 1980s childrens motivational book I can do it all by myself” (ewwww, thanks someone) “bulgakov hot ass” (he was a hottie) “not enough chairs for dinner” “martian industries gas heater c 1640 repair” ”dildo harness spare-parts” (something I never thought of in all my prepper lists) and…

“puss had been called in to monrovia to get rid of the rats. puss had been told that he could bring as many of his friend as he wished to help him. after a year every cat had killed an equal number of rats;the total was 1,111,111 rats. how many cats were there?”

And this was searched for, twice.  When Googled has this site as the first listing…. So, that makes three times.  Which either means my meta tags are working, or they’re not working, or the international police are just screwing with me…. or The Google is screwing with me.

From this I imagine that either the Intertubes are not working correctly, or they are working just perfectly.  I wonder, back in the days of the reference drawers, stacks, and microfilm, could the reference librarian have amassed such a list of strange requests, or does this new world of technology offer us the chance to validate every brain fart, and ask the question, if my bitch slap kitten is dirty, what advice does the world have for me?

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