Tweet, Tweetus, Tweetum, Tweetibus

Picture33In the past decade many of us have built digital lives. For some this had made them famous, for others notorious, and yet others are now known only in their digital form, the farms on Farmville, the crushes in Candy Crush, their invented cruise on vCruise which is not the saddest thing I have ever seen because I have seen homeless kittens limping and starving in Morocco… so it is the fifth saddest thing I have ever seen.
In the span of ten years we have moved from chat rooms and folding notes into paper planes to wherever we are today…. Online in our Snapchats, Instagrams, Facebooks, Grinders, Buzzfeedi, YouTubeae, MySpacearum, the Twitterari and sundry other spaces of social media. More of us, not just the techie of us are involved in building digital lives and we all need to monitor our image, location, station, and language more than we ever had to before since not everything that runs through the private chamber of our head is suitable for publication nor the Eternal Writing of Uncle Internet… that fun uncle who knows everything, remembers everything you have ever done.. yet, you really don’t want your kids near him for reasons that if you don’t know, Google “Asian Teen” with no filters… and you will find out. Oh you will find out that, and much much more.
It is a short span for many, these years since the Book of Face was launched in 2004, but in this time things have changed for many of us in the way we interact, the way we manage our friends and connections with others as well as that self image we create, either managed and curated or authentically since our image projected is the same as that we maintain in what we now refer to as Real Life, that time of physical three dimensional space where comments cannot be edited in realtime nor retracted, however much they can become forgotten in time.
This blogger is late to the game. Blogs are seen as dead. I am not sure I agree with that, I guess it depends on what the blog is for. In other countries they are still murdering bloggers, so there must still be something useful in this format we enjoy. Nevertheless, I show up to a very old party in creating my own digital life and perhaps the most innovative have moved on, learned to speak in 140 characters or fewer or just moved on to URLs and hyperlinks they’re not sharing with the rest of us. I remember just being out of university and at that time I heard of a friend who was blogging. This was a new thing. A web log? What did he write about? He wrote about his life. Thoughts. Just whatever. It was very new and I couldn’t imagine him having a following considering his dry sense of humor, sardonic nature and misanthropic mannerisms I was always amazed he had a following, but it was true, he was followed by many, adored by several, and was (still is) a hit with the ladies. Perhaps because of his dry sense of humor was still new in a still shinny happy internet of early adopters and digital natives hopped up on Nerf Guns, Fair Trade coffee and snorted Adderall. He in time gave up on his blog, having to turn his attention to the world of work and that with the rise of this new media also came the issue that our employers – potential and current- can track down our private-public thoughts – or Priblic – and hold those dumb rants, unfortunate party pictures, nib slibs and side boobs, in-jokes sans context and sundry other material against us expanding the 7 dirty words that you can’t say on TeeVee to hundreds of words that may offend the senses of small minded half-witted drooling namby-pamby HR professionals, which is to say, all of them (This profession has only a few lines to give in order to maintain their job: “Talk to your supervisor.” “That is confidential.” “That is in the handbook you signed.” “We covered that in orientation.” “I’ll get back to you.” “Let me talk to my supervisor.” “Larry and Bob are here to escort you out.”).
Perhaps this soaking in social media has reached its peak. The novelty is worn thin, the fun was wrung, the hucksters and social chemists have saturated our little places to play in ersatz dog piss and That One Crazy Trick, and perhaps more are giving up or not joining in, opting for different venues. There are many who are eschewing the Book of Face and are avoiding setting up a digital self. Perhaps that’s a good idea. There is a lot of work to do each day to stay on top of your digital self. It’s worse than feeding an Allahdamn Tamagotchi. We must tend to our accounts changing passwords and updating profiles, Tweet to our Followers, message our friends with birthday wishes, even those we met only once, like their children’s pics, like their cat pics, like their brunch choices, reTweet their original tweets, go on vCruises and post our antics with our Friend of 27th Power, message our fans on YouTube, manage our badges on Candy Crush, Kitty Cannon, Settlers of Catan, feed and clothe entire Sim Cities, keep our Ork King Goblin Lord Poetry Slam Winner with a power of 7 and a shield of 9 in gold coin to buy a Grievous Weapon only to find out you cannot buy one “off season.” I’m tuckered out just thinking about what I need to do next in order to keep my digital self alive.
So to this, perhaps a decade from now we will look back and wonder, what the Smurf was wrong with us? Perhaps we will only do this as fully loaded consciousnesses in machines looking back at our bodies and wonder what took us so long to actually go on that vCruise we’ve waited for our whole existence.

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